Saturday, December 31, 2011

I Can Only Be Me! (And You Can Only Be You!)

So it seems, for the first time in years, perhaps ever, I am dancing into the New Year. Literally. OK, well nearly literally, the party was on the 30th, and it finished at 9.30pm as we all had to take kiddies home to bed!

But boy did we dance. And woman was it fun.

And you know what my friends said to me? My friends who spend more time with me than anyone else bar my husband and children.

We didn't know you could dance!

You see Lucy doesn't normally dance. Because Lucy gets all jammed up and self-conscious, and feeling not cool. And so she sits quietly, anxiously, doing inner battle and wishing to be somewhere else instead.

Lucy who has had years of dance training in flamenco, belly dance, modern, ball room and the charleston. Lucy who trained at Drama School.

Just like another one I hear regularly: we didn't know you could sing!

My own father was surprised at his wedding a few years back that Lucy has a great singing voice.

Or there's the - wow you look really beautiful line. Because usually I don't. Because I feel fat and frumpy - because I have my own style and shape which isn't, you guessed it, "cool".

Or "I had no idea you wrote" - oh yes, dear readers it's true - probably less than half of the people in my life knew I wrote until a couple of months ago. Because, once again, the topics I write on aren't very.. cool.

Most don't know I edit a magazine. Ditto.

Oh and the drop jawed surprise from my brother and sister that the favourite picture of their on our sitting room wall was, yes, you guessed it, by me. We didn't know you painted, they chorused.

I'm funny too. Very funny. Though many are surprised when they see that side to me. My dad claimed I had no sense of humour a few years back. Little did he know.

I'm sexy too. Very. When I let myself. Little old me!

So you see, there's this little pattern of Lucy shutting herself down and hiding in a corner in mortification because she doesn't feel her "thang" is acceptable, in fact it's down right embarrassing, because it's not quite perfect or cool enough.

So you know what? I think this might just be the year that I really get my groove on. I've been practicing bit by bit, year on year. But let this be the year where I let myself out of the box and just "do my thang". Bright and shiny, sassy and sexy, funny, messy, silly, wacky, creative ...and reclusive, wise, serious, quiet and contemplative when I need to be too.

I might even let myself mother to my own standards too! Wouldn't that be nice, rather than failing every day because I don't do everything the way the books say.

You see, I've always thought that I shouldn't until I was perfect. Because, for some reason, until I was better than the whole world, then I wasn't good enough. So if there was one book out there better than mine, then I couldn't be a "real" writer. If everyone was better at dancing then I wasn't allowed to dance. I'm not allowed to look sassy and sexy until I'm an appropriate (skinny) weight - even though I look great at 12 stone.

So my non-perfect heroes for 2012 are
Goddess Leonie
Jason McLellan - author of Zugunruhe
And Pam, from the blog Pama-rama-ding-dong who did a great curvy woman photo shoot which she shared on her blog (see my blog roll for her blog)

This Goddess Leonie (sorry to keep harping on about the woman, but she is a kindred spirit who is doing her thing and so I identify) - I LOVE her videos - they're not perfect at all. They're blurry, and they go wrong and her baby walks in, and she stumbles over her words... but you know what? They're great - bright and shiny and fun, just the way they are. She doesn't try for perfection until she release her work -she does it and puts it out. Another influential book in my life the past couple of months, Zugunruhe, which I shall be talking about more in the next few weeks talks about the 3/4 baked philosophy, where the author urges us to do our work the best we can, but rather than spending all our energy in refining it ad infinitum, put it out to the world 3/4 baked and let the feedback and the inspiration it creates, and your own distance, do the final honing, because really there is no such thing as perfect.

So here's to a year of funky imperfection, of creative expression and doing it our way. Here's to a book that won't be perfect - but will be wonderful.

Here's to getting our sexy, sassy thing on in our own unique way, of listening to our rhythms, dancing to our own beat, and applying our own standards.

Here's to you. Here's to me. And here's to Eva Cassidy, who will play us into 2012 - she was a great companion on my road trip the other day... (Listen here!)

I Can Only be Me

Butterflies begin, from having been a larva,

As a child is born, from being in a mother's womb,

But how many times, have you wished you were some other;

Someone than who you are.

Yet who's to say that if all were uncovered,

You will like what you see;

You can only be you,

as I can only be me.



Flowers can not bloom, until it is their season,

As we would not be here, unless it was our destiny,
But how many times, have you wished to be in spaces,
Times, places than what you were.
Yet who's to say with unfamiliar faces,

You could any more be;
Loving you that you'd see,

You can only be you,
as I can only be me.








18 comments:

  1. Beautiful! Thank you for sharing this. I, too, have just realized that I need to let go and do my own "thing" - no matter what other people think. I've been working at getting my house cleaned up and organized for the new yers these past days. But I've also been working on doing some of the projects, writing, and cooking that I've been putting off because these were things that *I* wanted to do and they didn't really mix in with what everyone else wanted/needed from me. As I felt myself, ME, sinking into an abyss, I thought to toss myself a rope to pull the real me out and back into the world.

    This post only solidifies my decision to think more about letting the real me surface - no matter what others think of me. :)

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  2. Hurray Alicia - and to all of you who are cheering this on it's way on the FB page.

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  3. How exciting! I hope you start sharing some more of your sexy, singing, dancing goodness with us this year! Wheee!

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  4. this is so awesome-you go girl! Dance and sing & paint & be sexy & shake & strut all your wacky cool crazy fun amazing radiant goddess self stuff for all the world to behold! and especially fot YOU to enjoy doing! Love this post & can't wait to hear more about the 3/4 baked idea! Have a groovy new year, doll! :)

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  5. YES! Let yourself shine! You are an amazing woman with beauty and depth and talent beyond measure. Enjoy!!

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  6. You are on your way! This post and the previous two - quite the story. You are definitely having breakthroughs, shedding the old programs. And those who think they know you . . .

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  7. Linette- yes, what a journey - I could feel it budding under the surface. your last sentence - more priceless than you could imagine!!

    Thanks for the cheerleading ladies all.

    Oh, and my heroine, Jnnifer Louden woz 'ere! Just told me on twitter - hurrah!!!

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  8. Awesome. I have some of the same sediments! It is time to let me shine. I'm really excited about it.

    Let the imperfect be scene and more of my talents will bring great joy to me and great joy to others.

    Love the comment about Leonie. It is a great guide to brilliance.

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  9. Ohh I soooo needed to read this today of all days.

    I always look like I have 'everything', have it all together.

    So I fight the feeling that there's MORE to me, smother the surging dissatisfaction with an outwardly perfect life.

    But there IS more, and this 'trying to fit in' has got to stop.

    So thank you for your honesty, gorgeous Linnette, and for the 'permission' to SHOW myself, in all my eccentric, over-the-top brilliance.

    2012 is looking luscious!

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  10. I love this! I can definitely relate. And I'm touched and thrilled that my photo shoot inspired you. Happy New Year, beautiful being!

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  11. You really are a renaissance woman, Lucy! I can relate deeply to all of this, and am sure I'll learn from you as you embrace the many wonderful ways that only you can be this year! xo

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  12. Yes to imperfect perfection. Yes to your own standards. Yes to your Self.

    Beautiful.

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  13. What a great post and I am so glad that you are ready to cast off the shackles that are holding you back. It sounds to me like you are an incredibly talented and creative woman - you are doing the world a dis-service keeping all that for yourself. Let us have it!!

    I'll be back often to see how you are getting on...

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  14. I love Goddess Leonie too. That book sounds fab,try to get it from my local library.
    As my acting teacher always said, perfection is boring. Here to being authentic and beautifully imperfect.

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  15. Hurray for you all - loving the comments- thank you for stopping by!

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  16. Wonderful! and I think you are perfect at being you, which is better than being perfect at being someone you aren't!

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  17. I read this post and I think "That is so awesome for you Lucy! What a great mindset to have! But I could never do that!..."

    I'd really like to though. :) You've inspired a lot of thought here...

    I hope the people in your life have an idea of how wise you are :)

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