Who's that trip trapping over my bridge?
Well bugger off! I'm too tired to eat you.
I feel as much like Christmas as... I'm too tired for metaphors. Is it just extreme tiredness, two migraines in a week and a deaf right ear, or is it getting older that makes me so unenthused about Xmas this year? I can see it out there - but I don't feel it. At all. And I feel bad for my kiddies. I feel bad for us all, because we had such a wash out of a Christmas last year because of sickness, so I've been looking forward to making up for it all year. And now I'm not.
Everyone's cranky. Me most so. Girlies were out of sorts all last week - tantrums and wakeful nights all round. Mr Dreaming Aloud can be quoted as saying "the novelty of having little kids is wearing mighty thin".
I am in full agreement.
A little secret for you - last week's Joy Pockets were written the Friday before - the last time I felt, what's it called? - oh yes - joy - at being a mama.
I know I get like this when I'm super-mega-tired. I know I get like this when I'm sick. I know I get like this when I've had to be touching a baby every second of the night otherwise she wakes up. I know I get like this when I'm at a critical part of a project and just want to concentrate on it. I know I get like this because my life is ordered in its totality around my kids and I am angry that Mr Dreaming Aloud's isn't in the same way.
Bah humbug.
Hug hug hug. It really is just because you are tired. My little isn't sleeping well just now, and I'm exhausted, so I completely sympathize. You don't have to do x number of things in order to have a holiday season. You can just do what you can and still enjoy the holidays. Try to lower your expectations of yourself, and just have fun! (not meant at all to be patronizing, just advice from one exhausted-up-10-times-last-night mommy to another).
ReplyDeletesooooo know how you feel....I am feeling so out of the xmas loop and tired of my beautiful girl waking all night long...and realising I've been over tired for 2 years!!! (thank goodness for a BIG gap between kids....my heart goes out to mamas who go YEARS on no sleep!) have a break soon Lucy, look after yourself!! xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you both. I KNOW you understand. I am just at the boiled head, feeling underwater stage. Spent all yesterday on the sofa/ in bed. Ditto this morning. Cancelled women's group yesterday. Felt a bit better having written the post. Girls entertained themselves this morning - painting their faces with lipstick and cutting up newspapers it appears! Off out to a cafe for lunch. Not doing anything remotely festive and haven't for days and days- hence the guilt. Though I guess we're one up on last year because we have a tree and the wreath is actually ON the door.
ReplyDeleteDude. I so feel you. I've been super off the last two weeks (I blame Mercury), and today is the worst day so far. I *love* Christmas time, and I'm just not feeling it, no matter how many carols I play or how much my house smells like pine. I'm hoping that once this dayjob blitz ends on Thursday, I'll be able to unclench and relax. I'm sincerely hoping that your crazies are Mercury-related and that things start to even out soon. Hopefully, we can both have a merry Christmas. <3
ReplyDeleteHa, good call Ellie- not much into astrology, but hear that retrograde supposed to finish tomorrow - lets hope it's that.
ReplyDeleteJust managed to arrive for lunch at he cafe at same time as my dad, sis and hubby so had company - and dad bought lunch -so feeling warmed from the inside out - enough to face addressing Xmas cards - so the american rellies will be getting theirs in time - perhaps!
Best wishes to all the mamas xxxx
Oh blessings to you.. I thought it was just me! Every year I fantasize about retreating to an empty cabin (festooned only with greenery, homemade gingerbread, and one basket of craft stuff)and being calm and festive with my family.
ReplyDeleteEvery year its TOO busy. This year it's super too busy and little ones are not sleeping. It helps to feel the invisible threads of connection between us exhausted busy women trying our best. Well done for staying in bed..hope you feel festive soon....
I say embrace your inner troll! It's ok to be a grump, (at least I hope it is because I sure have had my days- and my guys aren't even little anymore!) I hope things start to feel calmer for you- perhaps it's just the storm before the calm you are experiencing.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
This mama troll is having a lavender bath after realising I have not been alone for more than 10 seconds today. Ugh! I'm feeling the need for alone time today very keenly!. If you have spotify, how about Sufjan Stevens Christmas album to get you in a more Christmassy mood? Love the fact he sings carols alongside songs about having an argument in a shopping mall with his sister. spiritual and earthly christmasness rolled into one! How about cheating a bit this year and buying things you would previously hand make? a soon -to- be- published book author can't do bleedin' everything ya know!!!
ReplyDeleteHope your earache is better XXX
Thx MF - feeling much better- lunch at cafe, antibiotics from Dr, Chinese takeaway for dinner. Listened to The Snowman in the car- that felt like proper xmas, and drove home down the main street of the local town and showing the kids the lights - little things! Got inspired about another post too. Hurray! Even kissed the Mr!
ReplyDeleteI feel for you! You know how I struggle with being Christmassy when I'm supposed to - hence the JUNO editorial. I so agree with all these comments, I think there is so much pressure on us to have the Christmas we dream of that we work so hard to achieve it, the moment passes us by. Inspired by JUNO I've really lowered the expectations on myself this year and am feeling much better as a result. You do so much amazing stuff every day Lucy, I am inspired every time I visit this blog - I am today posting about your Creative Mama interview. Hoping you feel better soon. I've discovered that I find my Chrismtas "moment" when and where I least expect it. With love.
ReplyDeleteOoh can't wait to get my copies of Juno! Am even more chomping at the bit to read them now. Juno day takes up a whole day of on and off reading, thinking, and feeling - ahhh! Magic does indeed happen in the moments you didn't plan. X
ReplyDeletehmmm, you should have yours by now MF...
ReplyDeleteI feell for you. and I feel the same. decorating the tree is normally one of my favourite jobs of the year, but this weekend it seemed just a chore to get through... Same with making gingerbreadhouse, have a dealine for a magazine for an article on it, it really excited me, but now I dread the decoration of it with the kids as I worry it will just turn into a big fight with me trying to keep the thing safe from their enthousiasm (I do need a good picture...)
ReplyDeleteHugs for you, take some rest and you will cheer up soon I hope (and me...)
Oh thank-you for sharing the not so joyful parts of motherhood. It's great not to feel so alone. You captured my feelings PERFECTLY with "I know I get like this when I'm super-mega-tired. I know I get like this when I'm at a critical part of a project and just want to concentrate on it. I know I get like this because my life is ordered in its totality around my kids and I am angry that Mr Dreaming Aloud's isn't in the same way." Seriously can I just get a week or so alone to focus on my stuff!!!! Maybe an hour? A minute to think a though through in my head...Jah!!! Thankfully we are not involved in any Christmas prep...my kids are still blissfully unaware of the event. Be well Mama - much love!
ReplyDeleteI get this....100%. We aren't big Christmas celebrators over here but I'm still pretty bah humbug. I have the same response as you becuase my life is alsoo totally ordered around my child and Rasta Daddy is blissfully unaware of how that feels. So I get a little resentful and a little angry and then my mothering suffers. You are not alone. This parenting thing in a wild ride huh?!
ReplyDelete