My feelings are all of a muddle.
I had been warned by mothers a-plenty that this would happen. But, in the way we all get through life, I had decided that it wouldn't happen to me. That I would be different. I was, after all, exempt from the emotions of other mere mortals.
So the morning that I have been longing for for almost 4 years arrives. Ash started playschool today. And now all three kidlets are in school/ playschool five mornings a week.
Am I dancing on the rooftops?
Nope. My mama heart is broken open, sad and lonely. Echoes of silence mock my glee at being alone. I go to a cafe to be fed and have company.
I am sad.
But I know I will be happy.
I feel empty, but know I will be fuller and richer as a result.
I am an emotional stew with dumplings on top!
Change, change, change. That is the only constant in this life. We long for it... then suffer through it. And never learn. As stifling as the present moment usually is, the future is often emptier. Emptiness opens up space for potential new growth. But it is only when we have the space that we see how much we are attached to the past that we struggled with.