Monday, May 13, 2013

Lost in Living - The reality of the artist mother.


“This is not how it was supposed to be.”

There are two conspiracies in this world that you only become aware of too late as a woman. 

The first, traditionalist argument, says that motherhood is the ultimate act of femininity. That it’s natural. That nothing else is more important. That you cannot curtail it without serious consequences. And if you can't do it easily and naturally then there must be something wrong with you.

The second, feminist stance, says that motherhood should not be a woman’s central function. That she is equal to men. And that includes in her right (some say obligation) to do paid work. And to hopefully have a fulfilling career.

Only after I found myself in the midst of the battle field, did I realise that I had one foot in both camps. I valued hands-on motherhood (parts of it came naturally, parts did not), and I valued my paid work. Equally. 

But the sort of work I did, the sort of work I valued, was not the sort that society values… unless you hit the big time. To be a creative you’re on your own in terms of child care, mentoring and all that jazz.

But creativity is so much more than just a “job”. It is a calling, an urge, a fight for freedom, a path to sanity. And it can be a very lonely, dispiriting business as a mother when you are driven by this compulsion, and those around you don’t understand it. Or think you should be doing something that pays better. Or is more reliable. Or that you should just give yourself fully to your children.

This is the life of the artist-mother. Pulled in two directions by two equal passions. Floundering to form her own identity. This is what my book, The Rainbow Way: cultivating creativity in the midst ofmotherhood  focuses on – every aspect of this conundrum, and how to solve it in your own life (the book is out November 2013 - to get a taster, sign up to my mailing list for an abridged ebook version).

This is what a very special film, which has just been released, also focuses on. Lost in Living is a documentary film by Mary Trunk, filmed over 8 years, which follows the lives of four creative mothers: an author, visual artist, painter and film maker, as they navigate and reflect on the challenges of making art as they mother.

As one of the mothers featured shares: 
“It’s easier to work my ass off than be a mum. When you have little children it’s hard to find time to concentrate. My work saved me.”

It is heart rending. It is enlightening. And it will make you cry. Big, snotty, body wrenching sobs of identification with the four protagonists. It works so well because it tells the truth and breaks down a taboo – the taboo that we are not enough, that we are not good enough, and that we are alone. It is painful watching at times as relationships are tested to breaking by these twin urges of motherhood and creativity. And as finances force decisions that might not otherwise be taken. It also shines a light on the unspoken – the elements of depression that all four creative mothers grapple with, which both fuels, and retards their creativity.
“There are less and less people to see you as you really are [when you’re a mother] and so I feel compelled to witness myself.”
“Making art fixes [my life] it puts a sheen back on everything,”


Lost in Living lifts the lid on the reality of creative motherhood, and every creative mother who watches it will see her soul writ large on the screen. I thoroughly recommend you check out the trailer and the various clips from the film on the Lost in Living website.

“Motherhood and art… they’re both about hope.”



10 comments:

  1. I read about Los In Living recently. Very interesting and it surely must speak to an enormous amount of women in the world.

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  2. Thank you so much, Lucy!! Lovely write up. Really happy we connected and it seems we are doing parallel work.

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    1. You're very welcome Mary - I'm so glad we found each other's work and are able to support each other's creative babies and share them with our tribes. In collaboration we are strongest. xx

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  3. I'll be on the hunt for this film!
    ...children don't need us to live for them every second of every day despite what we're told - it's better for them to have a role model that is not afraid to be their true selves.

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    1. So true, Jennifer - if you're US based there are a number of screenings. Check the website - otherwise get your hands on a copy.

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  4. I love this blog! I find it difficult when people assume that because I chose to stay at home with my children that I happily gave up my acting and never looked back. I love being with my boys, and it's where I need to be right now, but it doesn't mean I don't feel that sacrifice often! Thankfully writing has given me a great outlet, and reading about other's going through this conflict is consoling. Thanks Lucy!x

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    1. Thank YOU Mamacourage (love your online ID BTW!) I hear you, I feel you. xxx

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  5. I have to wait until Novemember to get your next book!! Noooo. I have your other two books and love them. Even though I am not at all creative or artistic (I really do try) I can't wait to read The Rainbow Way x

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    1. Thanks for your enthusiasm Clare, it means the world. Not creative, goodness, how many times did I hear that when I was interviewing women! It's alright, there's a whole chapter on that! xx

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  6. Yes to both and ALL THREE. Motherhood, Feminist work, Creativity.

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