This Creative Rainbow mama has been struggling with a lack of creating. Everyone else's needs and the flu took priority. And so the Crazy Woman has been with us, growling and pacing, sharpening her talons and dreaming of escape - I have been needing to write, to paint, to get on with delicious projects and feeling very trapped and frustrated by my womanly role, as though starved of oxygen. Bad mama, bad daughter, bad sister, bad wife. I have been trailing anger, not beauty.
So today, the sun is shining, and I headed off to the beach on my bike. just me and the wind. And I left behind me only beauty.
Here's what I have done already this morning (it's not even 9am!) - and will be doing for the rest of today - making art - creating - making images - working with words - building my business - finding my tribe... ahhh! This I can do.
((( hugs )))
ReplyDeleteBeautiful beach art! :)
ReplyDeleteAm writing this during my weekly hour of me-time when hubby takes our baby out for a walk. It feels selfish to want some time away from him but it keeps me slightly more sane. I adore my baby, and being his Mama, but some days share your feelings of frustration and being trapped.
Now for some creativity indulgence for me! Hope your trail of beauty has followed you all through your day.
Mo <3
Beautiful Lucy, thanks for sharing xx and I'm glad its not just me! 3 days of too much rain to take the dog out in, trapped in the house because my moontime was very heavy and changing pads almost everytime i moved! So i went for a long walk today with the dog, down to the ford, I washed my hands there, and sang, came back and felt much better. its half term here so many children running through my head (well 4) and the constant "mom mom mom mom mom, caution - this child is demanding" I find myself trying to escape into facebook, instead of sitting down with them and being what they need. Trying to let go and be free with my self and my emotions, but instead heading for the chocolate as a child heads in my direction. dont get me wrong, I love them to bits, completely, I just need a moment, in the day, like Mo, not just before bed and not to feel bad about running off for a while. ((HUGS))) Crazy Woman is clawing at me too xx
ReplyDeleteDear Lucy,
ReplyDeleteI have looked at your blog a few times now and really enjoy it - especially the things you write about mothering and trying to balance it all and to meet your own needs and keeping your creative flame alive... this last week for me (half term) - as for many mums I expect - has been like what you describe in this post... little time to be truly creative - or at least, what I usually define as creative time for me! Instead, I have cleaned the house after weeks of neglect, actually played with the children, nursed a poorly baby, caught up with mountains of washing... it's been a kind of 're-setting week', I've done very little writing (my journal writing is usually prolific, and just started blogging), very little painting/drawing/making/baking that I would usually do in a week despite deep intentions and a bubbling & boiling pot of ideas overflowing... yet, I don't feel the usual frustration that comes with not being able to create, because, in my attentiveness to the real world around me this week, I realise that I am also here to care, to heal, to gently nurture and through my nurturing acts spread peace,love and wellbeing...sometimes a pause is truly needed to remember this and to surrender to it, and also to feel that - yes, it can be so deeply frustrating to have my creative flow broken (and I know those crazed places too when I just NEED to get on!)... it is also a kind of gift, to remember - and indulge in - the total spectrum of my gifts - for I see it as a gift to be able to really care for and see others and be there for them, and to create a beautiful space and world for them to dwell in - to bring light into someone else's world! (my sons' room literally does feel lighter, brighter & energised now that it has been dusted!)... and it's a gift that all mothers have, and that we express on a daily basis when we truly attend. It is a creative act in and of itself that we shouldn't forget! As mothers, we are being constantly creative, even in the tiniest, daily moments with our families.
It is a reality that we are actually torn on a daily basis, and we can't always fully attend - that's normal and actually right - us mothers have a duty to live our own lives too I believe, but a week of just giving into the needs of the others who have needs from me, for me at least this week - has been a boost for once! And a surprise. Hopefully I will be back on creative form next week - and have time to read your blog again! Xx
Oh well said Moonshine Mummy, I totally agree. Totally. And I also REALLY need my head space. Oh the balance, the balance!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE this! I can so relate! Thank you for being honest about who you are...it is helpful to all of us who have the ICW as an alter ego!
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