It is almost unbelievable.
Do you remember, dear reader, this desperado mama who had to escape, who needed a creative retreat, who one dear commenter suggested might need anti depressants. Yes, that was me!
But the very next day I had a realisation - that I needed to let myself out of my box and do my thang! I declared this the year of abundant rainbows. And boy has it been. And it feels like it's only just beginning!
In the past three months I have:
- Launched my first book - to greater success than I dared to hope! Over 120 paperbacks are out in the world in just one month, in over 10 countries! And set up international online stockists!
- Learned to enjoy selling my work!
- Done some serious spring cleaning in most of my closest relationships - and come closer, clearer and more honest with those who are dearest to me
- Started painting again ... and set the wheels turning for my first exhibition (to be held at Stephen Pearce Pottery in June
- Made some headway in my mama-ing which I was beginning to despair of with some great new practices
- Put my woman-craft teaching out there and have my first course booked
- Been asked to teach what I love at a prestigious place, right next door to my house - blogging at the Ballymaloe Cookery School!
- Really enjoyed my two working days a week - REALLY enjoyed
- Interviewed my biggest heroine - Ina May Gaskin - who I will be meeting in person at the end of the month
- Had a really great rejection letter for one book, and an acceptance for my submission to another (the Rhythm of the Home BOOK)
- Had work published in : Modern Mum, Juno, The Irish Examiner,
- Had a photograph accepted for the 2013 Earth Pathways Diary (the third year in a row)
- Found more balance in my life - despite all these busy sounding achievements, I have enjoyed more calm, balance and headspace and down time than I have in years, thanks to my two satisfying work days and shaking my creative tail-feather with joy. My life is full of picnics, good friends, days on the beach, cake and cocktails, a loving husband!
Oh mama, how wrong, you'd be. I really feel like I've earned every little bit this last few years.
Let me take you by the hand, three years back. When life was not so rosy. When I felt very wobbly in myself, in my marriage and threatened to disappear. We were living unhappily at my husband's parents house. Just getting my first article published, what an enormous achievement that was, and then another surprise baby. I wanted space, community, beauty, depth, spirit, creativity, my own life in my own image. Instead I felt clipped, held, restrained, unsure, angry...
Something,no, everything had to change. And so I commited myself to it. Act by act. Doing what I could, with what I had, where I was.
Since then we have bought our own house and created our own garden. I have been on anti-depressants - and off again quickly. I have claimed my need to creative work - space and time, I have started to paint and teach again after years of crippling anxiety over them both. I have turned around very challenging relationships with my daughter and my own mother, and continue to work on other deeply challenging relationships. Grown a strong, loving and secure partnership with my husband and with a number of deeply special friends. Become a published author in a topic that is deeply meaningful to many women. I have asked for permission to use the tea house. Founded a women's group of precious women which has held and supported me every step of the way and taught me about true community. Every dream that I articulated there has come to be.
There are many more challenges ahead. But for now, let me stand at the top of this mountain and say I feel truly blessed.