When I was twenty I knew what I wanted to do.I knew what I wanted to be.
But I didn't know how to get there.
Or quite exactly what "it" was.
I knew what I didn't want.
I didn't want a nine to five office job. Nor did I particularly want a boss.
I didn't want to run the family business.
And I knew that the career's guidance officer hadn't got a flipping clue.
Wise woman wasn't in her book of careers. Nor was freelance alternative writer specialising in creativity and natural birth. Nor were book medicine woman, women's circle facilitator...
But I didn't know how to get there.
I didn't know how to get there when I hated how I looked. Was embarrassed by my dream. When there was no official job title or employer or training path.
I asked everyone - how do you get there, which is the best way.
And no one could tell me.
Because it was my path.
The path to me.
I had a dream in my heart.
A vision in my head.
Just like when I want to write something.
Or draw a picture.
The big works. The meaningful works. The defining works of my life.
It is like they are there. Waiting for me. Fully formed. Hanging in an invisible realm.
I can see them glinting in the light, lurking in the shadows. I can smell the colours. Sense the words.
But the step by step. The workmanship. The birthing. That's up to me.
Up to experience. Trust. Faith. Skill. Time. Patience.
So it was with the bigger picture of my life.
My work.
And in this past week. These past few months the vision is clearing. The steps are being taken.
Steps building on previous steps, which built on previous steps - momentum is gathering.
The right steps.
The right path.
Vision, serendipity, commitment, hard work and patience are paying off.
It feels like the cogs of the Universe are shifting with me.
In the words of my beloved Nina Simone:
It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me.
And I'm feeling good!
Sorry for the vagueness. I am slightly superstitious about these things. All will be revealed. In time...
Yay!! Go Lucy :) So pleased for you. Not had time to comment on your comment but had to laugh that you thought I was "wiser". Gosh, blush...
ReplyDeleteAm feeling just these things right now too, only I am impatient and trying to turn the wheels too quickly when they're not ready... and the universe is putting blocks in my way to remind me that patience is a virtue and all will come good in time...
I hear you on the superstition thing - though that was just me!!
x
Thanks mama Earthly xx
ReplyDeleteIt is hard Lucy, with no job description how can we make society feel our worthiness. But I think that the more we believe in ourselves and in the bigger pictures for ourselves the more it will happen. I am trying to trust this dream I have, to realise that if it is meant for me, it will happen. I just need to listen to the messages I am givena nd follow the right path and slowly slowly I'll get there. much love x x
ReplyDeleteoh, fingers crossed for what you need to happen.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your journey.
joanna
Hear, hear Laura. Thanks Joanna
ReplyDeleteI'm eagerly awaiting the big reveal of whatever exciting thing is in the works!
ReplyDeleteOh god, I just had a flash memory of me in the careers library at uni desperately searching for something, anything that inspired me. There was a tiny ragged thin file labelled 'alternative careers' and I leapt on it like a starving animal. There was one piece of paper in it.. ten years out of date for some farming project that had petered out long before..
ReplyDeleteI so empathise and glad you are on your path.