Monday, August 13, 2012

Almost

We almost lost our daughter last week.


This is what keeps going through my head as I hold her little, warm body close. Grateful, so grateful for her continuing presence. For the miracle that was. Today and yesterday almost weren't. I am emotionally and physically shaken to my core. As are the whole family. We are now all too aware of the invisible line between normality and tragedy. I am deeply awake to my mother self once more, to the primal biology of the fact that my children are now and always will be, flesh of my flesh. A fact that can be dulled by the daily drudgery of mothering, the complacency regarding the blessings that my children are to me, to us all.

Last Thursday our youngest, a dainty two and a half year old ringletted rascal of a girl fell out of her upstairs bedroom window onto the concrete path below. I got the call at work from a dear friend who was having coffee at our house with my husband. "She's bleeding out of her mouth and nose, but she's crying.I'll come and get you."

I put down the phone and started to run home, hands held in prayer, praying, praying.

The path had a pool of blood. And there in the kitchen, my baby, so small and battered and bloody in her daddy's arms. Crying for me.

I held her. And held her. At home. In the emergency room. all night in the narrow hospital bed. The next day and night. I held her and breathed my prayers. Knowing how close we came to never being able to hold her again. Holding another mothers story in my heart of a daughter who fell from a tree and didn't make it. Showing her little videos of her and her siblings playing on the I phone knowing that they might have been our last memory. I held her as she slept and slept, knowing that the child who emerged from this tragedy might not be the same one as before. My family have been through the trauma of severe brain injury with my cousin only two years ago. And she was so much smaller. Falling onto concrete. Without a helmet.

They did test after test. Woke her every hour. And beyond possibility there is no sign of internal injury anywhere. No brain damage. No broken bones. No teeth gone. Just a huge black eye and chin. A swollen face. A large infected cut in her mouth and round her teeth. Nowhere that will visibly scar. And no emotional trauma for her.

I feel sick each time we go down our road. Each cookie cutter house with the same two upstairs windows. The same concrete path. And I know, though it sounds too corny to be true, that the only way she survived that fall is that she was cushioned by angels wings. And we have been surrounded by them too in the form of friends and family, in our days of recovery since, as we help heal her body and our parent souls, from the nightmare of almost.



45 comments:

  1. My heart is bursting for you. This is the second such incident I've read of this Summer. I can't imagine the strength of your inner mother bear instincts required to deal with it. Thinking of you all.

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  2. Thinking of you today. Oh, my, what a shock. Sometimes, we can only give thanks that the angels are there and supporting us even when we aren't always aware of it. Blessings to you and your family. Amber (MamaMoontime)

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  3. So much love to you all. Thank god for those angels. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  4. Oh my gosh, thanks be to who ever saved her. hope you are a little less shaken now. and breathe! Keep her close always, all of them!

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  5. Gosh Lucy, my heart was in my mouth reading this, its every mothers worst fear. I am so relieved she is OK, much love to you all xxxx

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  6. WOW, so sorry to hear this. So glad she is well. What a miracle indeed. I am here stopping myself form crying - so moved. Thank goodness she is alive and well.

    Hugs,
    Gauri

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  7. Lots of energy and light being sent to your family... two homeopathic remedies that would be great are : Arnica for shock, bruising etc, and nat sulph for head injuries. Oh, and calendula for healing! X

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  8. Thank you all, your messages mean so much. We feel surrounded by love and support.

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  9. I am in shock reading this - your poor little girl. I am so relieved to read that she is recovering. I cannot imagine the shock for all of you. Thinking of you. xxx

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  10. Crying all over again Lucy. She has her own wings that little angel of yours. You know where I am x

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  11. sending lots of love and light to you all.xx
    Mo <3

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  12. Sending ton of love to you all.
    Life works in mysterious way...

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  13. Gosh! I have just read with tears in my eyes. What a trauma to go through. So glad she is ok! xx

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  14. That really made me cry. Thank god she's ok. I wish you all safe healing in the next week. Lots of love xxx

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  15. I'm so glad she's alright. Sending you a hug from afar

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  16. holding your family in my thoughts and heart, sending healing vibes your daughters way. you're a brave mama, a strong mama x

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  17. This brought back such memories, I'm so glad she is ok, I think you're right about the angel wings. It just wasn't her time to go. When Lily died, it just was. Life and death are such ancient mysteries and still we know so little. Many blessings to you all. Thankyou for your comment on my blog Lucy.

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  18. i'm happy your little girl is fine. I can imagine how scary this has been for you and your family.

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  19. Holy crap Lucy. I am saying a prayer of thanks that you got through every parents' worse nightmare and that she will be ok. I will light a candle tonight to thank the angels that carried her safely to you. What an enormous shock for all of you - please allow yourselves to grieve and give thanks and just take time to process this. For even though the outcome could not have been better, you still looked tragedy very squarely in the eyes last week. And though you got to turn your back and walk away from the potential tragedy, you will still be affected by it.

    And now I will gather up my 2 little ones and hug them till they squirm.

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  20. I'm so pleased she's okay, I can't imagine what you have all gone through. Lots of love x

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  21. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  22. i don't know what to say, apart from Thank God.

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  23. Hi Lucy, I'm SO glad for you & your family that it all worked out ok. Thank goodness! No, that isn't strong enough... the alternative would just be unthinkable... it's so terrifying to think of what can happen in a split second. I know my 2 & 1/2 year old could easily get himself into spots of bother, even under constant supervision...they just seem to wrangle away somehow. Thinking of you & your darling little girl. I'm sure you're all hugging like crazy.

    Áine

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  24. Lucy - so good to hear your little one is OK. My youngest sister was hit by a car when she was on her tricycle (she was ~4). My body remembers the scare, my parents at the hospital. She too was fine. Angel wings are most appreciated!

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  25. Omg, I am so relieved she is ok... Thank the Lord!

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  26. Im so glad she is ok, I will get the children to light a candle for her at church. Bee x

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  27. So glad to hear she is ok Licy, what a horrible ordeal for you all. Thinking of your family as she recovers. X

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  28. I hold my breath, reading your post. I can´t find the right words, right now, but I am thinking of you and your family.

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  29. This happened to us. My son was almost 4 and he fell out of the attic window. He was more or less okay but his recovery was painful. We never even considered that it could happen. He was supposed to be napping. I don't know why we don't talk about window safety as much as we do other aspects of child proofing. I am so glad your baby is okay and thank you for talking about it. Someone may read this and secure their windows. This post may the "angel wings" for another family.

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  30. I was wondering why you removed my comment?

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  31. Hey Valerie, sorry, I appreciated your comment deeply, it's just every time I saw the headline of the link you left I felt sick and started shaking. I figured it was my blog, so I could do it to make this space feel safe for me.

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    Replies
    1. noir is still so raw, and I was just very aware that that could have been my family's names and home town in that little boy's place, and it is too much to cope with.

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    2. No probs, I wasn't upset you took it off, its your blog after all lol. I just wondered about the reason. I really linked so that other people wouldn't glaze over it as only a near miss. One of my friends children crawled out of a window when he was 3 and had a massive concussion, it was so scary (he is 22 years old now and totally fine). It seems more common than you would think.
      V
      xxx

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  32. Sorry, that should be "Now it is..."

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  33. Yes, believe me, there is nothing "only" about the near miss in our minds, we are still living with the cold, hard reality of what it could have been.

    Thank you all for your messages of love and support that have been pouring in from all channels, they mean so much.

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  34. Blessings, blessings, blessings.

    My heart goes out to you and your family from all the way across the Atlantic....

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  35. Whow. Don't know what to say, so happy for you that it seems to all be ok in the end. This is your worst nightmare. This is my worst nightmare. We have just moved to Singapore a month ago and everything is high rise here. At the moment we are living in a 20th floor apartment. I struggle to sleep since we moved in. If something like this happens here there will be no night in the hospital, we can go straight to the morgue.... Thankfully we are moving in a week, to a much lower place, which was very hard to find in this town (think 5 million people on the Isle of Wright). but still with a roof terrace, this afternoon we are meeting with a grille specialist. I hope to sleep again soon!
    Wishing your little girl, you and the rest of the family all the best the coming weeks in the recovery!

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  36. Hi, I'm so relieved to read a story like this with a happy ending. It breaks my heart when I read of such small incidents that can and do lead to great misfortune. Thankfully, you and your family have been spared those challenges.

    May your daughter live a long and happy life.

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  37. may countless blessings and angels surround and abound you (((ALL))) xoxo

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  38. hold each today with the same reverence

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  39. Ah, I missed this when you posted it, and I'm sitting here crying at what you went through. So grateful she is ok, and I will be making sure our windows stay secure! Blessings and peace to you.

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  40. thank you Lauren, Becky, Lily, Karien and Rachel
    xx

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  41. Got shivers reading that, thank god she was ok, Im so happy, she definitely has an angel protecting her xxx

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