Thursday, August 2, 2012

Preparing to Show Myself

So my exhibition is tomorrow.

And it feels like it is a literal exhibition of myself. Which many people think I am good at doing. But honestly though it all looks good on the night, the emotional toll it takes out of me is always disproportionate.

But there are always multiple ways to look at things it seems. So when people ask me - "are you feeling excited about your exhibition?"

My response is - oh, excitement is another valid emotional response to this experience - rather than my predominant sensations of shit scared, anxious and WTF-am-I-doing-what-was-so-bad-about-writing-boring-articles-about weaning-or-being-a-stay-at-home-mama-for-that-matter.

So I am doing a little mental reframing. Coz I realised that all these people who are giving up their Friday night to come and drink free bubbles. They could be going out to dinner, clubbing, having sex, waxing their bikini lines, watching Big Brother. But instead they are coming to see my paintings because:
a) they love (or at least like) me
b) they want to support me
c) they are curious as to what I've been up to and what my art might look like
d) they might, potentially consider buying something (this is my favourite option)
e) they like free drinks

But not the following points, which are what revolve round my head:
f) she can't paint
g) they're over priced
h) are those HER tits? ( I have already been asked if they are self portraits - yup, my breasts are so pert after 3 kids that they nearly touch my chin, and they have those swirly nipple things too, for real!)
i) next she's going to be painting vaginas (umm, I have, they're just hidden behind the filing cabinet!)

About 80 people invited. But NO posters up. No press releases. I already feel like I'm going to be riding through our local area butt naked. I cannot begin to tell you how exposed I feel. Most people round here paint cows. Or cliffs. Or normal shit. And write books about local history or something.

So you see, it's a top-secret exhibition. I thought I'd just show off my tits to all my friends and family. And random pottery customers who stumble across them on the way to the loos.

I shall save the press releases for my minge show I think!!


  1. Oh lucy!I am coming for the reasons a-e and reasons f-j never even crossed my mind! I have already purchased one of your paintings cause when I saw it I couldnt bear anyone else owning it except for me - and its going above our bed! You are awesome!!!!

  2. Well as Homer ( Simpson ) said ...trying is the first step to failure... Picture of smiley face but I am so inept on computer I have no idea how to do this!
    I took down a small exhibition yesterday, and organised to put some more work up next week. Whether they buy itor not...who knows but they are things I need to say.
    Hope it brings what you need.


  3. oh i wish i was coming to it! Nicola x

  4. Looking forward to seeing you streak across the room tomorrow night ;-)

    Why don't you ask everyone to strip off at the door to level the playing field? Just don't let photographers in!

    I'm coming because of all the first 5 points. Your art is beautiful and I can't wait to absorb some of your wonderfully bright creative energy.

    Have a stiff vodka before everyone starts arriving and you'll be grand love.

    Well done. Deep breaths now. Tell yourself that "scary" is just "excitement".


  5. I enjoyed reading this and the part about the tits had me rolling. Many wishes for a wonderful night, enjoy the spotlight, support and hopefully purchases too!

  6. It WILL be wonderful, this is just nerves getting to you!! The very, very best of luck, I hope it is an outstanding success :)

  7. You know what they will all actually be thinking - "geez she's brave to put herself out there - wish I had the guts to do something like this".


    Have an awesome time and have a glass of bubbles for me seeing as I can't quite manage the 30hr flight this week!

  8. Thank you all your messages have encouraged and soothed me. The paintings are up... The cards are out.... The books are out. And people have seen them. No one ran out screaming.

  9. Thinking of you lots today, if you're not shitting yourself a bit then you're not doing it right! Enjoy it, bask in it, revel in it, you are a super de doo per painter. Wish I could come! Lots of love and swigs of brandy x x x



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