Check out my new piece in Rhythm of The Home

The Spring issue of Rhythm of the Home is out today - and I have a piece in it ...

Labyrinths of sand – a walking meditation

Circling inwards, eyes down, the sweeping lines of the labyrinth guide me. Though my mind wants to make sense of it, and plan ahead, I quieten it down. All I need is trust: follow the pattern, go with the flow.

My feet follow the spiral path which will lead me to the center and out again. I breathe deep: inspired.

The waves dance in and out on the beach beside me, whispering their song as they lap on the shore. The lines of the labyrinth ruffle the smooth beige sand, cool and damp beneath my feet. I rest in the center. Looking out on the vast ocean, wave upon wave into infinity – I enjoy the sense of my own smallness. The gentle breeze caresses my cheeks; the warmth of the sun soaks through my skin. I drink in the sounds of the seagulls wheeling overhead and my children filling buckets with sand, somewhere far off a dog is barking. But here I am, quietly centered in the midst of the busy world. I feel myself fully rooted in the present moment, connected to the flow of life. For the first time all day my thoughts slow down to near stillness, I can feel myself breathing deep into my belly. I am here.... Read more...

I wrote this piece about 9 months ago for the Rhythm of the Home book, which will sadly no longer be happening. So I thought, once I had gotten that news, that it still needed to appear in Rhythm of the Home magazine. Oh, and whilst we're talking Rhythm of the Home - they always run a giveaway when they launch a new issue - to be in with a chance to win an e-copy of my most recent book, Moods of Motherhood, be sure to enter.

The labyrinth has been getting stronger and stronger for me. It has become the central motif in my third book,  The Rainbow Way to describe the creative path. And then it has just touched me again from Sue Monk Kidd's wonderful, Dance of the Dissident Daughter, which I read this week and has quickly become one of my all time favourite books, where she uses it as a symbol of a woman's journey - I adore her interpretation of the Ariadne myth.

Does the labyrinth call to you - do you find yourself drawn to  walk them, draw them, do you like to make them from clay or sand? Or are they a new discovery to you? I'd love to hear your thoughts...

A Virtual Mother Blessing

This post is one of a series of posts from the Irish Parenting Bloggers to welcome two baby girls to two of our Irish Blogger Mamas,  Lisa and Aine, and is also dedicated to two other mamas who are close to my heart and due any day now, Lydia and Erin. 

We live in a baby-centric world which is delighted to pat your belly and coo over your baby. 

We offer baby showers. To shower the glowing mama-to-be with gifts of nappy cakes and baby bouncers, vests and toys. But somewhere, in the midst of it all, something rather important is often lost....

That's right. YOU. Dearest mama.

We ask how's the baby? What's the baby up to? When are you due?

But not the most important question of all - how are you?

How are you mamas? In the complexity of it all, can you share your longing, your worries, your hopes, your boredom, your excitement, your multiple discomforts, the love which pierces your heart and makes it feel it might explode,  your bone shattering exhaustion, your need to be held and cared for, and your tigress desire to be left alone...

In our community of women, we offer something different to the traditional baby shower: a mother blessing. Something which is dedicated to caring for you. Nourishing you. Holding you. Loving you. Listening to you. 

A sacred circle surrounding you. Sharing our wisdom. Hearing your fears. Massaging your hands, soaking your feet, painting henna on your belly, brushing your hair, lighting a candle each for you wishing you blessings on your birth and new child. Sometimes we string a necklace with wishes or birth stories, we burn fears on the fire, other times we make a belly cast and paint it, or trace clay labyrinths with our fingers. And finally feasting with you and filling your fridge and freezer with nourishment for the weeks ahead.

This I offer you here. And I light a candle for you.

Blessings on our children, for they have a long way to go,

Blessings on our elders, for they have travelled far.

And blessings on those of us in between, for we are doing the work. 

Please accept this virtual mother blessing to nourish your body and soul, which never for a second stops nourishing that precious life within.

May it sustain you during the birth, and in the days and weeks after. 

May you learn the art of surrender with grace. May you be humbled in the face of your immense power. May your heart be broken open with tenderness. May you be held up on wings of love.

Blessings on you, dearest mama. 

x

Check out yesterday's post at The Clothesline             

And be sure to check out tomorrow's at The Nest                                      

The Gathering: A Hundred Thousand Welcomes to the Land of Broken Dreams

2013. The year of The Gathering.

"The what?", I hear you ask, if you're not from these climes...

The Gathering...

"Cead mile failte." The traditional Irish greeting of a hundred thousand welcomes is being proffered by the Irish tourist board and government, as an initiative to tempt rich Americans and anyone lucky enough to have escaped the country, recently, or centuries ago, back for a holiday, to show off our cultural finesse, gloss over the economic meltdown and then turn them upside down, so the gold falls out the bottom of their pockets and plugs a hole in this sinking ship of a nation (is that enough mixed metaphors for you?!)

Meh.

Gabriel Byrne referred to it as a "scam" and a "shakedown". And he'd be right. And it is shallow. It says, we want you if you have money, but not needs.

In reality this is not the year of the gathering, but a Leavetaking, or Scattering. Last year 238 left our shores. Everyday. From a country of only 4 million.

And it's not just European immigrants heading home now times are tougher. 53% leaving are native Irish. 87,100  of our population left in the 12 months to April 2012, according to the Central Statistics Office. They are expecting the same figures again for 2012-13. 

This is the land of the hundred thousand goodbyes.

Phew, fewer kids to pay for, you can hear the government sigh. Fewer sick people to deal with. Fewer on the dole. Fewer people in need of services. Yes but less taxes, less diversity, fewer families together. This is a brain drain as our youngest and brightest leave these shores. And many young married couples who had studied abroad, intending to head home to start their families, stay away because of the lack of prospects.

I don't know of anyone coming to the Gathering. But I know of families leaving. Posting their house keys through their doors, because they can't sell, because they're in negative equity, and they can't pay their mortgages. Families who came over to work for companies which are now barely surviving. Who have taken two pay cuts in a year. Every family I know lives under the constant stress of their main wager earner losing their livelihood. Families going to Australia in their droves, leaving behind grandmas and parents and siblings.

We came home to Ireland 8 years ago. After years of living in the UK and travelling. It truly felt like a home coming. It was my dream come true to be finally living in the community of my birth, close to two sets of parents. But now I'm not so sure, almost everyday I wonder would the grass be greener elsewhere?

Welcome to the land of a hundred thousand broken dreams.

Singing in the background

I had a call out of the blue two days ago. A US publicity company wanting to sell their extortionate services to me as a self published author.

Don't you want to get your message out to a wider audience? The robot-like calls rep wanted to know.

It's a no brainier surely? Or at least it was for her. Cos as an author you want your voice to be heard everywhere, right?

Ummm, no.

My soul sister challenged me on this too when I launched Moon Time. She didn't get my reticence, my lack of confidence to share my creative baby. My level of self doubt.

It's still there. I am so happy with each woman who discovers my work and loves it. So happy to share my work woman to woman. But reaching out into the big wide world beyond, the mainstream, full of critics, nay sayers, cynics, people whose job it is to knock people down and ridicule then. No thank you!

So on the back of my sharing this call on Facebook I was contacted by a woman who does media training for women. And I really like the look of what she does. But still the assumption that I would want to put myself out there to everyone was there. And the response in me was still no.

I feel like a newborn meerkat. All pink and hairless. Blind and weak. And the world feels full of hyenas that eat things like me for breakfast.

I love doing what I do. But it scares the hell out me. It's very niche. And its powerful. And it's finding its audience. But it takes every ounce of my courage to do it. I am so far out of my comfort zone it aches. But it's flowing. And it's healing me, and my friends and women I've never met. So I trust. And I carry on, deeper and deeper into my work, sharing it woman to woman. No big media shows here.

And then last night I had a powerful dream.

I was asked to help at a friend's wedding, and of course volunteered. Then she said what she'd really like was me to sing. I said fine, even though I get really nervous singing in public. But it was just a small wedding full of friends.

But then, because her mum is pretty famous, all these A List celebrities started turning up, and performing, and I was shitting it. My turn was coming. I was too small, my talents too meagre for a big stage alongside such heroes. But then a small wise voice from somewhere said, "we want you to sing, it's important to us that you do. You don't have to be on the big stage, but sing. As the action is happening just sing your words."

So I started to sing, standing at the back of the room, quietly at first as I found my confidence, then richer and louder. My words were: All is love. I wove my melody. And people turned from the main stage and looked my way. One by one. And I kept on singing. Not centre stage. Not the main event. But a voice which drew people in. And I knew I was playing my part, honouring my promise.

And that's what I'm doing with my work too.

And I am allowing for the fact that this too might change. That one day I will be on the main stage. But that is not my intention or my overriding aim.

And so I stand, singing at the back of the room, delighted by every head that turns my way, drawn in by my voice.

Buried treasure: The Thought Birds

I am tired. I am busy. I have sick kiddies, again. It's moon time. It's raining....

For all these reasons and the fact that I have a dozen drafts that I can't knock into shape, instead I am unearthing buried treasure from the Dreaming Aloud archives to share with you... This is one of my favourite posts...ever... I only wish I'd kept it to submit to Tiny Buddha!

Sending you LOVE for Valentines Day. 

Image: www.dipity.com

Sometimes we get our knickers in a knot about our thoughts. They seem to fly round and around. We are told to control them by the self help movement. They're only thoughts, so stop thinking them.

But what if you can't?

Because what if YOU are not thinking them?

What if they are not YOUR thoughts?

Listening to Byron Katie's Loving What Is (of which I have mixed opinions), and she says. You can't stop thinking your thoughts... they come to you, you do not create them, nor can you stop thinking. Your choice is not to attach to them.

Buddhist thinkers including Thich Nhat Hanh talk of thoughts as like clouds, floating over the clear sky of the mind. We need to not focus on them, or attach to them, simply observe as they float by.

But like much in Buddhist thought I find this too bland and beautiful an image for my jingly, jangly, chattering mind.

And then it came to me.

They are not clouds, calm and serene. They are birds. The thought birds. Flying over, squawking and chattering to each other. Migrating to warmer climes. There, on the chimney of my mind, they alight to refuel from my brain juice.  The collective unconscious becoming manifest within the consciousness of an individual. And so I feed them with my own life force. They are wild things and soon ready to fly on, sustained for their journey to another soul. But I, being human, seek to hold on to them, imprisoning them in my head.  I put them in cages in the zoo of my mind. See, people, these are MY thoughts, look at them all here on display. And so they sit and pine, their heads droop, and so does mine as the task for caring them all overwhelms me. I am tired and sad from being their keeper. Their colours fade. They begin to bang their heads on the walls of my mind. Let me out, let me out! The noise of the rattling cages is overwhelming. I become angry, depressed.

But wait. The answer is simple. Open the doors of the cages and let them fly free. The thought birds are wild creatures. They are not my burden. Let them fly free. To visit another soul with their messages, to sing in another ear. Let them fly free. Welcome them to stop by for a moment, then watch them fly free.

Rocking the big P! Making Pinterest work for you!

Listen, I love Pinterest. I've made no secret about that.

But I know a lot of people who managed to get themselves an account, but then just follow from the side lines. 

If you're one of those it's my self-proclaimed duty today to get you all fired up - and getting the most out of Pinterest.  After all, you joined cos you liked the look of it. But then maybe you got all flustered or overwhelmed. We're sorting that out right now! 

And if you've started but want to build your following, these tips helped me quadruple my followers from 120 to 500 in less than 3 months.

Why does Pinterest matter?

• It is a virtual mood/ vision board for anything you are dreaming up
• It will fire up your creativity. Guaranteed.
• You will discover loads of like minded foodies/ creatives/ mamas all around the world.
• It's cheaper than buying magazines and books. It's free!
• Looking at your boards is like bathing in beauty, it gives you a great beauty boost.
• It's a great way to archive links that you love so you don't lose them.
• It's a great way of sharing your own links to your creations, blog, shop etc.
• It is, in the words of Suzanna Conway, a magazine of you.

So first things first.

What lights you up? What are you obsessed by/ What makes your heart beat faster. (These things do it for me...) Set a timer for 5 mins, free-write everything down.

1) Now create new boards for each of these. This will help you to categorise, and make sure you are passionate about what you're pinning. Make them niche ... and give them curiousity-piquing titles. Be funny, be clever. Be precise. Be particular. When I say niche I mean don't just have "art" - subdivide it into genres, artists. I recommend mixing it up between specific genres, like spirals, peacocks, full moon, sumptuous cakes and more compilation type story boards, like Woman of the Woods, In the Red Tent...

2) Make gorgeous board covers. People will TOTALLY judge your pins by your cover. Pick your most favourite pin. Which works cropped to cover size. To do this, on your profile page hover over a board cover, then click on "Edit board cover" press the arrows to go through the possibilities, click and move the image to centre it as you want it.

3) Be a curator. Imagine your Pinterest boards as a museum. Or be an editor, imagine them as a magazine. Rearrange your boards to walk people through them in a way that makes sense. Some choose to group them alphabetically by title. I choose to have my most popular at the top, and then group by similar interst, so I have all my craft ones together, all my recipes together. Cos the chances are if someone's into cakes, they'll probably be into pies and donuts too. But they might hate moon time. This way I keep them near what they want.

Handy hint:To move your boards, at the top of your profile page next to "Edit profile" is a picture of a computer monitor with two arrows. Hover over it and it'll say "rearrange boards". Click this, it'll go red. Click and drag. And then click that button to save. Save regularly, if you move off this page all your hard work will be lost. I speak from experience!

4) Follow people who have similar boards. This means that their feeds feed into your personal fee, so you get lots of what you love and little general stuff that you don't. To get into your personal feed press the Pinterest logo in the top centre of the page. This alone will make your Pinterest experience infinitely more fun and beautiful. On this page, on the lefthand sidebar you will see the "recent activity" column. Here you'll see who's repinning and following you recently. You can click through to any of them.

How else do you find people to follow? When you repin a pin, a little box flashes up telling you another board that it is pinned to as well. This is a great filter. You can either click follow right then and there, or click on their name to go through to check out their boards. Do this!!!

Handy hint: Every image, (unless it is "uploaded by user") is linked to a website. To get to the website click on the image, and then when it opens up in a separate window click on that image and it will take you there. 

5) Choose carefully!! When you are choosing people to follow, go to their profile page, focus on those who have less than 800 followers, as they will still get email notifications and will notice you pop up in their control panel. They will then come and check out your boards, see you are a kindred spirit, follow you, and a beautiful Pinterest love affair is born! If you follow Pinners with massive (usually bought) followings, they will NOT follow you back.

REMEMBER, you can follow individual boards rather than follow a Pinner. Just follow what you love!

6) Make a good profile page. Put up a nice pic of yourself, share a few words that tell people about your interests and passions. Share your blog/ website.

7)  Pinterest etiquette: don't pin 50 things on one board on one go, it puts people off and they will unfollow. So mix it up.

Handy hint - In the past, every pin went out onto the main boards, now only one pin every eight hours goes onto them, so the more followers you have,the more possible repins. Why does this matter? Platform building... and ego boosts!

8) Get techie!! Go to to "About" menu in the Pinterest header, and select the second option from the drop down menu "Pin It button". This gives you lots of goodies:

• A "pin marklet" to download onto your browser's navigation bar to make adding new pins easy as pie.  Then whatever website/ blog you are on when you're going about your daily websurfing, you hit that button and it will show you all available images to pin, and opens your boards straight up.
• Apps for i phone and i pad
• Badges to add to your blog/website so people can follow you easily.

9) Upload good quality new pins from other sites, label them well - with the name of the artist/ author/ website and a few key words. Places like foodgawker and etsy are great places to get new images from. Do not upload images from google image searches, this is a rookie mistake. Be sure you link direct to the original site. Introducing original images will get you out there and get lots of repins with your name

10) Be wary of group boards. If you follow them you will be bombarded with lots of mediochre pins, and the occasional bit of spam advertising too.

11) Change your email notification settings. Do this. You do NOT want to know every time someone repins a pin. But it's great to know when you get new followers.

12) Share your boards on Facebook, Twitter and your blog, especially in groups! If people don't know you have boards, they won't know to follow them!!

13) Pin regularly. The more you pin, the more you get the hang of it, and the more repins you get.

Hope this helps! Do share your pinterest accounts below! And follow me!

The 12 books that rocked my 2012

So I've had a few comments and emails asking for another post on books. Seems you know I love 'em, and want to know what I've been reading and what I recommend.

My problem is I read so much, both for my writing work, reviewing for JUNO magazine and for pleasure. I love to talk about books. But having to sit down and write pithy little reviews that convey my true feelings about them, I find... ummm..... dull. And obviously I can't reproduce my JUNO reviews here before they're in the magazine

Which is sad really, because I fully intended to do a monthly book slot on here. It might yet happen.

So, books that rocked my 2012. They were a funny old mix. Some new releases. Some older. All non-fiction, but of course! Here they are!

I Thought it Was Just Me (But It Isn't) - Brene Brown 
This is an incredible book. A must read for all women (Mummy, I'm getting you a copy for your birthday!) Brown has been an academic researcher into the subject of shame, especially in women, for a number of years. Her book is deep, totally readable and will make a lot of lightbulbs go off in your brain. I am eagerly anticipating her latest book Daring Greatly when it comes out in paperback in the UK.

Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts 
This came out a few years ago now. I avoided it like the plague - pink boas and womanly arts were not for me then. I was aware that there had been a major disagreement between editors at JUNO over this one, so I steered clear. But actually I really enjoyed it. It's all about how to get your feminine mojo going - I wouldn't agree with everything in it, quite a bit comes from the "women should use their feminine wiles to manipulate men" school of thought. But when she's not on that track, I'm totally with her.

Aphrodite's Daughters: Women's Sexual Stories and the Journey of the Soul - Jalaja Bonheim
OK, I've noticed that more than half the list has to do with sex. La-la! I read a lot of books on sex, birth, creativity and the soul - really it's all the same thing. This is a book I've re read a couple of times over the past two years. It's like Women who Run with the Wolves meets The Vagina Monologues. I like!

Red Velvet and Chocolate Heartache - Harry Eastwood
My favourite cookery book of the year. It's a cake book. But with a twist. Gluten-free, butter-free, gooey, yummy cakes and divine pictures. See my baking blog for a long review.

Sacred Economics - Charles Eisenstein.
I reviewed this for a feature for JUNO on 'books to change the world' in the forthcoming Spring issue. It is high brow, but very clearly written and superbly researched. A fascinating read on how we can make money sacred again. It's changed my perspective totally.

I Sit Listening to the Wind - Judith Duerk
The second in the Circle of Stones series. This didn't make much of an impact on me the first time I read it, but this time round it was rich and full. It's all about the impact of a woman's overdeveloped masculine side and how it impacts her. Highly recommended.

Vagina: A New Biography - Naomi Wolf. OK this is a contentious one. It has created a feminist fire storm. It's a little bitty, perhaps a little flaky. But it's got lots of great stuff in it which gave me many "aha" moments. It was a real page turner. And opened my eyes. Like did you know that there are men, and women who get paid serious money to do "sacred yoni massage!? They look you in the eyes, say, "welcome goddess", they give you a toe tingling orgasm, you pay them £150, and it's nothing to do with sex, really?!?!?!

Manhood - Steve Biddulph. My husband borrowed this from a friend, and he loved it so much he's getting his own copy. Which I'm delighted by, because I started reading it in the car on the way to their house and got totally hooked - admittedly it was on the bit on men and sex. I lvoe Steve Biddulph - he strikes me as a very honest, caring, compassionate man, parent and teaccher, and has a lot of insight into masculinity in the modern age.

The Mandala Book - I love this book. It's a visual sourcebook for me. As is Celtic Art - George Bain - which I teaching myself to draw Celtic knots and designs from. These are a great form of meditation. I have tried reading a couple of books of Celtic history and culture which were dreadfully written, am looking for recommendations.

Moods of Motherhood - Lucy Pearce
You know when you make yourself cry, and laugh out loud, and it's your life that you're reading, your words, then it must be pretty good really! haven't promoted this book that much. But if you like the blog, then do get the book. It's got the best bits of the blog, my JUNO columns, a number of JUNO articles and chapters that I've contributed to other books, and lots of original pieces too.

And still.... You Can Heal Your Life -Louise L Hay.
I come back to it every few weeks. I've copied out a number of the long affirmations and am considering learning them to recite, like prayers. This is as close to a bible as I get.

What have been your favourite books of 2012? Are there any coming out in 2013 that you're eagerly anticipating? Do share!

Hairy guacamole, Batman!

So there I was, sitting in a bath of vegetable blobs when I thought, maybe this is not such a good idea.

If I had a penis I would have just poured myself a tequila half an hour ago. Because a man, if he sees a bowl of guacamole, would never in a million years consider putting it on his hair, just like if he sees oatmeal and honey, he thinks "breakfast" not "cheap tonifying face mask."

But here I was. Penis free. Hair down to my boobs, which is fecking long when your boobs are down to your knees. Having not been to a hairdresser in 8 years. And having spent the past two days and nights sleeping with it up to minimise the chundered carrot chunks in it, (I had the vomitting bug), something needed to be done. And so I decided two things.

My poor dear body needs some real TLC. I'm worth it. A truly good decision, I was on the money here.

The next one: I'll start with my hair - not so good!

I went to the internet for an answer. We had an avocado on the turn in the fruit bowl, and my addled thrifty mama brain remembered seeing on Pinterest (the mama fantasy world) that one can use such things for DIY hair deep conditioning treatments.

I bundled the kids off with a blender full of freshly made hummous (its alright, there's no need to hate me, its the only thing they all eat other than their subsistence diet of chocolate spread sandwiches) with dear Mr DA to see the in-laws and ran myself a bath.

Then I set to work on the hair mask. Ah, blender with kids, I realised. No worries, reassures the glossy website, just mash well, and mix in the olive oil.

Well I did, really well. And that's where I shoulda stopped and cracked open the tequila and tortilla chips.

But no, I stepped on the scales, celebrated the lost chundered pounds, lit some candles, said prayers and lowered myself into the bath. Shampooed, rinsed, applied mask. Rinsed. And rinsed. And rinsed again. And then spent the next ten minutes picking out lumps of guacamole from my dry yet oily, tangled, shitty-looking, weird-smelling hair.

So if you see me, and it looks like I have puke in my hair, I just might, or I might have just been on Pinterest again.

Now there's a man back home, and a freshly-bathed wife in a dressing gown, and no kids....though I doubt I'll get lucky, with all these smelly green lumps in my hair!

So pass the guacamole. And the tortilla chips. And the scissors!

Tell me dear reader, in the spirit of Blog delurking week, what's the weirdest thing you've ever put on your hair... Or skin? And did it work. If you've never left a message before, I'd be extra stoked to hear from you! I know you're there!

Kitchen Alchemy of a Yummy Mummy

When I'm feeling sad and blue.
Or just don't know what to do. 

I step up to the hob, my pans a-gleaming

Setting them going bubbling and steaming

Roasts and risolles, soups and stew

Frying, grinding, braising too

Spices and herbs to heal my woes

Garlic on fingers, chilli in my nose.

As I stir and pans a-simmer

I feel so hope begin to glimmer

The kitchen alchemy, with its rising steam

Stifles out my shouts and screams.

Onions are chopped, eggs beating, 

Straining, boiling, whisking, heating.

Cake or curry, pizza or jam

Elegant quiches from leftover ham.

What I cook matters less than the meaning it brings - 

Its warmth and its love to make my soul sing.

I let off my steam,  and feed my tummy

And I'm back to being a yummy mummy.

Grab your FREE Kindle copy of my new book - TODAY ONLY!

The lights are flashing on and off here, so this is a super quick post before the next powercut to let you know that you can grab a free Kindle version of my latest book, Moods of Motherhood, today only, from Amazon.

UK readers can get theirs here
US and rest of world can get theirs here 

If you don't have a Kindle, you can download an app for your iphone, i pad, laptop or desktop, so no excuses!!! Grab it, snuggle up and laugh and cry as you see the moods of motherhood writ large.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on it...

If you have a blog, perhaps you'd give it a mention or write a reflection on it

I'd love it if you'd take a few minutes to write a review on Amazon! (And if you've read my first book Moon Time and have yet to review it, please take a moment and do, every review helps support books and authors you love!

And then you might like to buy a copy for your sister or friend, or even yourself, to have beside your bed.

Big love mamas, this can be a tough old road, as I've seen the past few months - but you're not in it together - we're all here, on different bits of the path. You are not alone. You can do it!
x

Getting real about your needs

Mummy is in love with daddy

These words fill my heart with joy. This is all I wanted to know, to feel, as a little girl. We want to give our children what we never had. And now I have. This is normal for my daughter. Never,ever has she, would she doubt it. How truly wonderful, that security of love.

When getting mindful about money, honesty is where it's at.

Honesty can be hard. It can make you feel sick to your stomach. Like hyperventilating. Like running as fast as you can.

But boy does it work in clearing space for ease, growth and possibility. Because, I have found, living less than the truth eats away at our energy.

I have been practicing it this year - with mixed "results". I find that honesty is best received by those who are willing and able to be honest themselves. The greater their disconnection from themselves, from their feelings, their truth, the harder it is to have mutual honesty.

But we can ALWAYS start, right now, with being more honest with ourselves. In a way that's all that really matters. Because when we are honest with ourselves we know what's what, there's nothing filed away in a scary box labelled "denial", which haunts our dreams with its shape shifting tendencies.

This is what we did before we shifted into our new work-balance and Mr Dreaming Aloud left the security of his old job.

We did the sums. And we figured out there were all sorts of things we would need to cut for the year. But we could cover all the biggies. And hoped that in future years we would be able to expand our earning capacity to allow a little more breathing space.

So let's turn the lights on your money. There are whole books devoted to this. If that's what you want, great.  But I suggest you spend 20 mins just making notes now. 

If you don't have a clear idea already - now's your time to get clear with yourself. Don't put yourself off by being anal and having to find every last receipt, but make a note of all your big financial commitments:

What do you owe: in loans, mortgages, insurance, car payments?
What do you need to pay for: power, fuel, school fees, taxes, food, basic transport, to keep shoes on everyone's feet and clothes on their backs. etc.
Now you have a baseline of what you NEED.

Now make a list of what you WANT - these are basic wants for your general happiness - say a family meal out once a month, swimming, £20 on your cell phone a month...

And finally luxuries - a foreign holiday, massages, pedicures, expensive clothes etc

Now one person's needs are another persons luxuries. It is personal. But it's good to know this about yourself - what do YOU consider a basic need rather than a luxury.

As I said, we did this, I shaved every single "luxury" I could off our needs - off went going to friend's weddings and wedding presents, my book habit, paying extra off our mortgage, the chiropractor and acupuncture, and eventually health insurance, dinners out, fewer bottles of wine...

We entered this experiment, of choosing work we love and shared childcare over a better paying job that made us all miserable. We chose abundance over wealth. So each time we know we can't afford something, I remind myself of what we have chosen instead.

On paper we would be in one of the lowest income brackets. But oh my the abundance we have. And that is why we're not poor. We have a strong community of friends, family and acquaintances and a culture of non-monetary interactions within that. We are blessed with a vibrant life in a beautiful location.

And you know what? We do have luxuries. New jobs find us. We find other ways - I top up my reading habit with requesting all the new releases I want to read for free as a book reviewer. I got our family a festival ticket via my work. We are using supermarket points in exchange for our ferry tickets...
There is abundance, possiblity, everywhere. We have to see it. To open our eyes for other ways to meet our needs. Other luxuries to enjoy. And then open ourselves to receiving them.

PS

I am excited to see this interview series Teaching What we Need to Learn which starts on 15th May - it is all about truth telling. It is big names being real - telling the truth behind their lives -Ram Dass, Don Miguel Ruiz, Byron Katie and many more. All for free.

Finding Our Centres - Tried and Tested Techniques for Family Sanity

Leading on from my popular post, earlier this week on the Sacred Art of Being a Parent, I want to explore in more practical detail the two parts:

Finding your Centre and Holding the Space 

over the course of a couple of posts, to bring them down from airy fairy concepts into practical, doable actions. When we have clear acts that we feel are within our grasp we no longer feel powerless, react badly and then suck up the guilt afterwards. 

What is "finding your centre"? I mean being rooted in a place of calm balance, where we stand in our own power, able to clearly give our yes and no. Where we feel unshaken, energised and respons-able, rather than reactive.When we find our centre, we are aware of our inner voice, as clearly as the outer voices around us. We can be guided by both. We honour ourselves, and the other, allowing a deeply nourishing relationship which does not place another's needs above our own, or vice versa.

Finding your centre, means, in its simplest form, coming back to relaxed (that means slow, from your deep chest/ belly) breathing, your heart rate is lowered, the stress hormones are not being released, your muscles are relaxed and your brainwaves are in their slower alpha rate rather than the faster, everyday beta brain waves.

How often are the words "finding your centre", or "centre yourself", accompanied by "meditate" or "do yoga"? Which is great if:

a) these are your thing

b) you have an established practice - which

c) you can sustain when you have children.

But I have found that neither works for me with lots of little people around. And if I try and get interrupted I feel double frustrated. So, I need acts that promote the same state of relaxation and flow, that change my brain waves, like meditation, but that can be done with children or when they are in the other room. (I go into the concept of flow and finding your centre in great detail in my book, The Rainbow Way)

So, ways that we have found, and regained our centres this week are...

Colouring mandalas ( I do this with my 4 year old a lot)

Drawing celtic knotwork (which I do by myself in my journal)

Lighting fires (which my husband and son particularly love)

Drawing (which my two girls love)

Making pots (which we all love, that's me making one there! It literally requires you to find your centre, as you stop the clay flying round the wheel and bring it under control).

Doodling

Listening to music

Visualisation

Watching candles flicker

Slow, relaxing, soothing cooking

Walking slowly, meditatively in nature

A talking circle

Reading stories

How do you find YOUR centre? By yourself, or as a family? Do share your practices with us all, in the comments below.

Bliss....

The outline for this hid behind the filing cabinet for a long time.

I finished it today.

Loved painting it.

Bliss...

The Sacred Role of a Parent

A lot of the time I worry "am I doing enough with our children"? In the bigger picture sense, things like: are they turning into good people? How much should they know about sex? Are they getting enough life experience?  What if they don't have any spiritual practices. You know, small fry stuff like that which swirls round most parents' heads most days.

But even more frequently I think: "now what are we going to do?"

Like. We've got 3 hours till Mr DA gets home. They're bored. I don't have the energy to do anything creative or practical with them. It's raining. WTF are we going to DO to survive the next three hours without mass slaughter?!!!

When, as I was preparing to lead our women's group on Sunday, a lightning bolt struck that I just have to share with you.

That there are only, truly two things I need to do as a mother.

To find my own centre. 

And to hold the space.

End of!

Truly!

(Now this is the embarrassing bit where having bigged it up, you're like "durgh! of course, Lucy!") But I've started so I'll finish!

Sure, we all know, on one level that being a "good" parent is nothing about the amount of playdough or painting or nature walks we do with them. We know it in theory, but many of us don't know it on a gut level, in a way that informs our every day decisions.

That is why this revelation was nothing short of a bolt of lightning from the blue. It united a number of previous observations I have made in the science lab of extreme parenting - otherwise known as in my daily life.

So, I notice that when I am below par, tired or ill, that the children go all jangly - as though they can no longer feel their energy being held by me, and so they are pushing the boundaries on every side to try and find where they are, to feel safe. This is the unseen work of parenting, but that which really counts. We can't really SEE when it's being done, but it is really obvious in its effects when it's not.

The equations go something like this...
Mama sick = mad kids. Mama tired = evil kids. Mama happy = happy families.

This is why self care is so important. It's not just feelgood twentieth century mumbo jumbo. It directly contributes to the wellbeing of the entire family.

Holding space takes energy. Concentrated energy, for those of us who are not, this year at least, fully enlightened beings.

Sometimes holding our centre in the midst of the mundane is a lot trickier than in crisis, when the choice is more stark: hold your centre or freak out.

There are times when I know that holding my centre was all I can do. With Aisling's fall. In birth. With other of the children's injuries and illnesses. With many tantrums. Finding my centre. Allowing myself to remain there as everything goes on. As fear and sadness and anger and despair, and not knowing what to do swirl around me.

By holding the space I mean being really, deeply present, emotionally there. Not adding any emotional stuff to the party. Being as pure and transparent and there in the moment as is humanly possible. Being totally there for them. Being responsive, flexible, breath by breath.

Holding the space often means physically holding too. Just holding, not fixing, not clinging. Just body to body, heart to heart, offering the comfort of your presence.

And when I can keep my centre, I can hold the space, breath by breath - hold it so that everyone else feels safe to be the way that life is making them at that moment - then I am doing my sacred job as mother. I am being their womb space, their soft place to fall, their mothersoul, their advocate.  I am there, completely, for them. 

But when I am off centre, I cannot do this. When I am tired, overwhelmed, anxious then I react. I am pulled into the emotional storm. Or I am trying to escape - mentally physically.

Life has been hard with tantrums and sick kiddies these past weeks.

Sometimes I find my centre, and hold the space, and fulfill my sacred role in a way that I am proud to call myself their mother.

And often I don't. And I feel shame and regret.

But now I know, in really simple terms, what it is I am aiming at, it makes it seem more doable.

And perhaps it will for you too!

Big love and rainbows coming at you!

Lucy
x

Joy Pockets

Little pockets of gratitude in the midst of mundanity...

Birthing a dream- The Creative Rainbow Mama's Soul Book

***

A tantrum free day

***

Walking home on a crisp, clear, starry winter night

***

So many women friends who touch my soul daily

***

Wondering if she's pregnant

***

A baby giraffe, only a couple of weeks old, beholding us with eyes of innocence

***

Fondant fancies - the taste of childhood treats

***

The revelationary moment of divine blessing when underlying blueprint for The Rainbow Way appeared as if by magic - it had been right there under my nose all the time - durgh!!!

***

What are you grateful for this week -  do share your joy pockets below!