A quote "if a woman does a useless thing, none reproves her, if she does a harmful thing, few seek to restrain her; but if she seeks to imitate the goddess and to encourage others, all those in authority accuse her of corruption. So it is more dangerous to teach truth than to enter a gun powder store with a lighted torch." Tsiang Samdup, The Book of Sayings An image
A thank you It's been a big week at Dreaming Aloud with three top rating posts (To school or not to school and two other rather contrasting posts - one on the beauty of co sleeping, and one on not wanting to go to bed and lose being me.... that was the second post in one day, so some of you might have missed my rather poignant, and humourous I am your mama bear) I've had loads of new readers coming in via all your Facebook shares... 51 shares of the Shared Sleep post, and counting... Thank you all those who share the love! A request If you like what you're reading here why not share the love (if you don't already!)!
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Saturday, June 11, 2011
Something for the weekend
Friday, June 10, 2011
To school or not to school... one year on!
Chicken pox arrived in our house at the most opportune of times. Our school-going son is daily questioning his school going, and as a wanna-be home schooling mama, and wanna be writer, I find myself completely torn. I shared the agonising decision almost a year ago about whether or not he was going to go to school here...
I am sure I am not the only parent in this dilemma - some have gone down their chosen route without a doubt and with a spring in their step, or without questioning, it is not a decision... for me, for us, it really is... and neither option quite fits any of us...
I have read a huge amount about home education, un schooling, flexi schooling and various school education options over the years. I have a bulging book case on the subject. So I am not looking for information. But we do need to decide one way or the other - though as I said last year, and as my friend MF says, no choice is forever...
I write this with an awareness that my readership is split between home educators and schoolers, and I am very clear that I do not want to disparage either's choices, or make this a battle ground of ideologies. Let there be no mud slinging here please! This is a space for dreaming aloud, and so it is with this intention that I am sharing my own dreams and struggles... I would really like to hear what the deciding factors have been for you in your own lives, and where your struggles have been rather than any blanket judgements or proseletysing one way or the other.
The issues FOR US - if I went into detail on each this post would be VAST! So forgive me for just listing them:
Other modern languages - we win
Outdoor education -we win
Acctive learning - we win
Team sports - school wins
Reading and writing and maths - we would do it differently but equally well we would do it with more creativity, school with more efficiency
History, geography, humanities, science - we would win on creativity, breadth and tailoring it to his interests and for in depth project learning
Art, creativity - us,
Home economics- that'd be us again
Spiritual/ religious education - don't even get me started there
Music - us
Morals and love - ummmm , us!
Sense of independence
Sense of community...
No more school means:
No more inane work books, time filling, queing, being silent, putting up hands, making him do pointless homework, stickers and stars as rewards, packed lunches, early mornings, money spent on uniforms and school stuff - probably about 600 euro this year, planning all activities around school, endless birthday party invites to Go Safari, early to bed school nights, worrying about what goes on in the playground...
BUT...
No more writing mornings and possibly less writing evenings
More kiddies fighting, driving to after school clubs to "fill in the gaps", mess, noise, planning, DEMANDS ON ME.
BUT...
More time with kiddies, learning together, rewarding learning experiences seeing him grow, providing him with individualised learning, sense of self as learner, sense of pride in work and ownership, being known and really appreciated, the removal of competitive learning and comparison which he is very sensitive to. Setting him up for a life of learning.
So here I am, swinging my legs on the fence. Knowing that both options have many positives. Knowing that I have a right to choose my own "career" over my kids and not feel bad. Knowing that his school is not really damaging him, it is a benign village school. Knowing that really it is all small fry, that it doesn't really matter.. and yet... and yet...
I am sure I am not the only parent in this dilemma - some have gone down their chosen route without a doubt and with a spring in their step, or without questioning, it is not a decision... for me, for us, it really is... and neither option quite fits any of us...
I have read a huge amount about home education, un schooling, flexi schooling and various school education options over the years. I have a bulging book case on the subject. So I am not looking for information. But we do need to decide one way or the other - though as I said last year, and as my friend MF says, no choice is forever...
I write this with an awareness that my readership is split between home educators and schoolers, and I am very clear that I do not want to disparage either's choices, or make this a battle ground of ideologies. Let there be no mud slinging here please! This is a space for dreaming aloud, and so it is with this intention that I am sharing my own dreams and struggles... I would really like to hear what the deciding factors have been for you in your own lives, and where your struggles have been rather than any blanket judgements or proseletysing one way or the other.
The issues FOR US - if I went into detail on each this post would be VAST! So forgive me for just listing them:
- Family approval/ acceptance - it shouldn't matter but it does and none of the parents are particularly supportive of home-ed
- Energy/sanity - I NEED headspace as a Highly Sensitive, and am looking forward to pre-school and school as allowing me to have more.
- Myself as a writer and person, beyond mother and teacher - This is a big one for me. Having had my first child at 25, and had three in close succession, and being a creative minded person, I really feel the NEED for my own work and creative headspace. Other homeschooling mothers have said I can do it whilst the kids are at home, but with all due respect they are not writers themselves and so do not know this. I can do the sort of bitty writing I do now, but I want to be able to get more concentrated time. I am not hugely attracted to unschooling as an approach, therefore home ed will require more of my time and energy.
- Our family income - I like to be able to contribute to our family income. It matters to me.
- What about later? Exams, getting back into the system - what if he is academic like us, his parents, I don't want homeschooling to limit what/ who he might be and pushing him towards creative work being his only option...
- Isolation..Being the odd one out - him and us on the estate, in the village, we are already very different by religion and hobby choices, and lifestyle, I don't want him to be stigmatised because of our choices.
- Not being comfortable with unschooling approach - have read a lot about it, seen it in action, and for me it is not really the answer either... I have seen a huge amount of maternal anxiety over it... it is not, I don't think, the path that I would want to take.
- Mother as teacher - When discussing this earlier in the year with another mama who is a very hands-on do loads of stuff at home mama, but has also chosen the school route, she said, and I agree, that our role with our kids is mother and trying to shift into the teacher role is challenging for both parties.
- But he gets it at home anyway- Both of my parent's attitudes is that what happens at home is most important, and that my kids already get lots of good stuff at home, and so what happens at school is of less importance. I agree to a point, but if school is dominating home life and routines, if school is a large chunk of his day, if we could do better and he could be happier at home, then shouldn't we...
- Biological equilibrium- going to the toilet and eating when he needs to are a big deal. As is being able to rest when he needs to. School does not allow this.
- He is a highly sensitive child - needs time alone. School ahs really helped him to gain social confidence - but it taxes him beyond comfortable limits. He often returns totally drained.
- What did you learn at school today? "Nothing" is his standard reply.
- fairness with all my kids - I have three children, I don't want to give my first born something that I am unable to offer all threeMy own limits of knowledge, child development and educational stuff - I am, like any parent, concerned about being judged by others: parents, authorities etc... and deemed a failure.
- Providing a really good education... this goes both ways
Other modern languages - we win
Outdoor education -we win
Acctive learning - we win
Team sports - school wins
Reading and writing and maths - we would do it differently but equally well we would do it with more creativity, school with more efficiency
History, geography, humanities, science - we would win on creativity, breadth and tailoring it to his interests and for in depth project learning
Art, creativity - us,
Home economics- that'd be us again
Spiritual/ religious education - don't even get me started there
Music - us
Morals and love - ummmm , us!
Sense of independence
Sense of community...
No more school means:
No more inane work books, time filling, queing, being silent, putting up hands, making him do pointless homework, stickers and stars as rewards, packed lunches, early mornings, money spent on uniforms and school stuff - probably about 600 euro this year, planning all activities around school, endless birthday party invites to Go Safari, early to bed school nights, worrying about what goes on in the playground...
BUT...
No more writing mornings and possibly less writing evenings
More kiddies fighting, driving to after school clubs to "fill in the gaps", mess, noise, planning, DEMANDS ON ME.
BUT...
More time with kiddies, learning together, rewarding learning experiences seeing him grow, providing him with individualised learning, sense of self as learner, sense of pride in work and ownership, being known and really appreciated, the removal of competitive learning and comparison which he is very sensitive to. Setting him up for a life of learning.
So here I am, swinging my legs on the fence. Knowing that both options have many positives. Knowing that I have a right to choose my own "career" over my kids and not feel bad. Knowing that his school is not really damaging him, it is a benign village school. Knowing that really it is all small fry, that it doesn't really matter.. and yet... and yet...
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Shared sleep
You are there to greet me when I crawl into bed, willing the covers to be silent as I pull them over us. Your moth breath, your long lashes on cream cheeks, hands curled into soft chubby fists. My heart is still... and pounding at the same time with love, with gratitude for this magic. Almost every night for six years I have come to bed to this sight, I have woken to this sight...different little people, same sight, and I will never tire of it.
Your body snuggles close into mine when you discover that I am here, we complete each other. You whimper, turning your head towards me, mouth like a fish. Your eyelids flicking open. You connect to my breast, the look of pure ecstasy flutters them closed again. You suck contentedly to sleep, to dreams I will never know behind your spider eyes. We will continue this dance all night - coming together, pulling apart. I remember when first I did this with your brother, I struggled with the endless, hourly, half hourly imposition on my right to sleep, now I drift in and out, a seasoned pro. The waves of slumber never far from my shores, I bob in semi consciousness all night, and wake half refreshed. At times you writhe and moan and need more than I can give. I feel sucked dry, no liquid gold left to give. And so I place you on my chest, ear to my heart. You nuzzle into me. We are complete once more.
I could not imagine you in a crib, cold and alone. This is where my babies need to be. Where I need them. Snuggled up warm and close. It is a primal need. The bonds of love cannot stretch through to another room. They are too short still. But one day they will lengthen and the need for sleep will finally override the need for togetherness. We will both feel able to stretch the cord further.
How can people worry about this intimacy? I am no more likely to make love to you than to a cat or dog. Yet people share their beds with those pets. I will caress your chubby thighs, marvel at your lashes, breathe in your sweet breath. But nothing more. I am your mama, you are safe with me. nor will I roll over you or smother you - you are not a doll, even on your first day of life you and I knew each other. We talked cell to cell, eye to eye, skin to skin, heart to heart. Aware of the others' presence or absence with every fibre of our beings.
We share our cocoon of love as the morning wears on and the sun gets higher. Into this warm den come older babies for their dose of snuggle love. It is this which makes them grow. And this which soothes my soul. My precious snuggly babies. I feel the sand slipping though my fingers. Our shared sleeping nights are numbered, their preciousness disappearing with your puppy fat and baby curls, my mother heart aches for them already - I hold you a little closer and wish.
Your body snuggles close into mine when you discover that I am here, we complete each other. You whimper, turning your head towards me, mouth like a fish. Your eyelids flicking open. You connect to my breast, the look of pure ecstasy flutters them closed again. You suck contentedly to sleep, to dreams I will never know behind your spider eyes. We will continue this dance all night - coming together, pulling apart. I remember when first I did this with your brother, I struggled with the endless, hourly, half hourly imposition on my right to sleep, now I drift in and out, a seasoned pro. The waves of slumber never far from my shores, I bob in semi consciousness all night, and wake half refreshed. At times you writhe and moan and need more than I can give. I feel sucked dry, no liquid gold left to give. And so I place you on my chest, ear to my heart. You nuzzle into me. We are complete once more.
I could not imagine you in a crib, cold and alone. This is where my babies need to be. Where I need them. Snuggled up warm and close. It is a primal need. The bonds of love cannot stretch through to another room. They are too short still. But one day they will lengthen and the need for sleep will finally override the need for togetherness. We will both feel able to stretch the cord further.
How can people worry about this intimacy? I am no more likely to make love to you than to a cat or dog. Yet people share their beds with those pets. I will caress your chubby thighs, marvel at your lashes, breathe in your sweet breath. But nothing more. I am your mama, you are safe with me. nor will I roll over you or smother you - you are not a doll, even on your first day of life you and I knew each other. We talked cell to cell, eye to eye, skin to skin, heart to heart. Aware of the others' presence or absence with every fibre of our beings.
We share our cocoon of love as the morning wears on and the sun gets higher. Into this warm den come older babies for their dose of snuggle love. It is this which makes them grow. And this which soothes my soul. My precious snuggly babies. I feel the sand slipping though my fingers. Our shared sleeping nights are numbered, their preciousness disappearing with your puppy fat and baby curls, my mother heart aches for them already - I hold you a little closer and wish.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
I don't want to go to bed
I don't want to go to bed.
Because going to bed means putting myself away. Giving myself up. Giving up.
Sure as night follows day another morning rolls in. Of fighting and whinging and sandwich making, dishwasher stacking, breastfeeding, uniform finding. And really I haven't the heart. Really I wish they would all go away and let me write. And bring me meals. And let me be. In peace.
I am tired. Tired of being nice. Of making peace. Of worrying that I am being good enough. Of being told I'm not.
It is one minute off midnight. I should be in bed. I will be tired for another endless day. Which only makes it worse. But I cannot bring myself to go.
I want to stay here forever. Nobody wants me. Nobody needs me. I am just me in body and mind. I am free to think, to write, to move. And the silence is so thick that the fish tank sounds as loud as a waterfall. And I am me. Not somebody else's help-meet. Just me.
Here I am not failing at discipline, worrying about how to get a child to eat or shit, making more food which will be rejected, concerned as to whether my behaviour will scar them for life or make my husband leave, wondering how much more TV is acceptable to have on, having to answer the same question for the 50th time, feigning interest in Lego models or sympathy for a puny scratch, or worrying about someone seeing the state of the house. My day is filled with these things and they bore me with their monotony. When where I really want to be is here. Just me and my thoughts and a computer.
I spend my days hungry for this time. I feel guilty that I take it, perched in front of my screen, knowing I should be nice to my husband, talk to him, show an interest. But I just want to be me... just for a moment to feel myself more fully, to have a thought that isn't interrupted, to do something that is of value, to matter.
Oh the motherload is very hard sometimes.Endless, endless, endless...
I don't want to go to bed.
***
A friend shared this pertinent song...No Charge...it is so true, and made me cry...
Because going to bed means putting myself away. Giving myself up. Giving up.
Sure as night follows day another morning rolls in. Of fighting and whinging and sandwich making, dishwasher stacking, breastfeeding, uniform finding. And really I haven't the heart. Really I wish they would all go away and let me write. And bring me meals. And let me be. In peace.
I am tired. Tired of being nice. Of making peace. Of worrying that I am being good enough. Of being told I'm not.
It is one minute off midnight. I should be in bed. I will be tired for another endless day. Which only makes it worse. But I cannot bring myself to go.
I want to stay here forever. Nobody wants me. Nobody needs me. I am just me in body and mind. I am free to think, to write, to move. And the silence is so thick that the fish tank sounds as loud as a waterfall. And I am me. Not somebody else's help-meet. Just me.
Here I am not failing at discipline, worrying about how to get a child to eat or shit, making more food which will be rejected, concerned as to whether my behaviour will scar them for life or make my husband leave, wondering how much more TV is acceptable to have on, having to answer the same question for the 50th time, feigning interest in Lego models or sympathy for a puny scratch, or worrying about someone seeing the state of the house. My day is filled with these things and they bore me with their monotony. When where I really want to be is here. Just me and my thoughts and a computer.
I spend my days hungry for this time. I feel guilty that I take it, perched in front of my screen, knowing I should be nice to my husband, talk to him, show an interest. But I just want to be me... just for a moment to feel myself more fully, to have a thought that isn't interrupted, to do something that is of value, to matter.
Oh the motherload is very hard sometimes.Endless, endless, endless...
I don't want to go to bed.
***
A friend shared this pertinent song...No Charge...it is so true, and made me cry...
Monday, June 6, 2011
I am your mama bear...
I am your mama bear. And you are my cub. Forever and ever I love you...
I will growl at the badness in the world, and keep you safe from harm... but I will not do everything for you or wrap you in cotton wool
I will feed your belly, but I will not make you endless snacks that lie half eaten.
I will snuggle you to sleep, but I will not lie like a sucker whilst you play for hours.
I will breastfeed you, but growl if you nip or tie me down all day.
I will teach you all I know, but I will not do your homework for you.
I will kiss your hurts but also let you feel your own pain.
I am a mama bear, and I have my own wildness. I must hunt and prowl myself. And you must too. We are wild ones you and I. Let us not domesticate each other. Do not tie me in bondage and I will let your heart roam free too.
I will growl at the badness in the world, and keep you safe from harm... but I will not do everything for you or wrap you in cotton wool
I will feed your belly, but I will not make you endless snacks that lie half eaten.
I will snuggle you to sleep, but I will not lie like a sucker whilst you play for hours.
I will breastfeed you, but growl if you nip or tie me down all day.
I will teach you all I know, but I will not do your homework for you.
I will kiss your hurts but also let you feel your own pain.
I am a mama bear, and I have my own wildness. I must hunt and prowl myself. And you must too. We are wild ones you and I. Let us not domesticate each other. Do not tie me in bondage and I will let your heart roam free too.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours
Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours
With a little understanding,
You can find the perfect blend.
Neighbours should be there for one another,
That's when good neighbours become good friends.
The sun was shining, the sky was blue...
Up went the bunting and out came the food, the tables and chairs and picnic rugs... and a party atmosphere.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Happy days
The sky was blue
Not a cloud to be seen
And a boy still home from school with chicken pox - how we are both enjoying these precious home schooling days. They are just what the doctor ordered.
Not a cloud to be seen
And a boy still home from school with chicken pox - how we are both enjoying these precious home schooling days. They are just what the doctor ordered.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
International Dreaming Aloud Day - give away!
If you've just stopped off here for the first time, you're very welcome here!
I am celebrating: seven months as a blogger; being half way through a wonderful 2011; the beginning of my birthday month (yup I'm celebrating for a whole month this year!) and - cue drum roll, and trumpets... not one or two but THREE of my very favourite publications in the world are out today featuring lots of Dreaming Aloud content....
So to celebrate I'm having a give away... read on for details!
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